Love Lessons from Toni Tone's "I Wish I Knew This Earlier"
Find love lessons in I Wish I Knew This Earlier by Toni Tone, from dating tips to healing after heartbreak. Real advice for real love.
Love..It’s an endless emotional rollercoaster, right? The peaks, the falls, the butterflies, and of course, the sudden crashes that make you question whether you will ever climb up again. Toni understands these feelings, and so she wrote a book brimming with honest, real-world lessons from her experiences.
I Wish I Knew This Earlier by Toni Tone reads like a friend who goes through all the drama and can tell the story, but with that kind of insight that makes one pause and ponder. It is filled with unfiltered facts, lined with experience, and a share of sass, enough to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
From dating to heartbreak, Toni shares the wisdom she’s gathered along the way, and trust me, it’s stuff you’ll wish you knew earlier, too.
The Dating Stage
Know What You Want Before You Start
Toni explains that at this stage, you shouldn’t start dating without understanding what you are seeking. It’s just like going to a buffet and not knowing what to eat. You can end up picking random things that do not satisfy you. The same thing with relationships.
Toni confesses that she sometimes dated because she was tired of being single, not because the person suited her preferences. This was confusing and, to say the least, a waste of time.
It does not matter how good you are, but having your intentions straight is everything. It could be a casual affair or a lifelong partner, but understanding what you want in life helps you avoid getting lost in the fantasy of the person you are in a relationship with.
So, next time you swipe right or say yes to a date, ask yourself: What am I really looking for in a partner?
Be Mindful of Comfort Zones
We all have comfort zones, but what happens when the one we're in is disorganised? Toni shares why she became so used to instability from her childhood experiences and why she found it in her relationships as an adult.
So, what's the takeaway here? The fact that something feels normal does not necessarily imply that it is the right one on your part. If you have become accustomed to drama, emotional scarcity, or relationship stress, it is time to redefine that comfort zone. Peace is foreign, but it is worth it. The first step is to identify the routine you have and ask yourself, "Is this healthy?"
Love is A Choice, Not a Fate
Remember our fairytale movies, boy meets girl, and they are both swept away by this passion, and they live happily ever after? Toni pushes us to move past the intense thrills of infatuation and focus on intimacy, not intensity. Love is a choice. It is not something magical that happens to you; it is something you waltz into with wide-open eyes. You decide on whom to love, and you decide to love him or her daily.
Intensity and love can be confused easily, and those butterflies, the adrenaline rush, all that, but Toni questions this notion. Passion may be sporadic, but love is based on intimacy, trust, and little daily decisions. To her, love does not involve waiting for the right feelings to appear; it is about choosing to be there, supportive, and present for your partner.
Don’t Fall for Potential, Love the Present
How often have we held onto someone because of what they might become? If you’re nodding, Toni’s got a major reality check. She admits to getting lost in the idea of who someone could be, ignoring the person they actually are. Falling for potential often leads to frustration, as the future you imagined doesn’t match the reality of what’s in front of you.
Instead of living in the future, focus on the present. Does this person align with your values now? Do they show up for you in ways that matter? If not, it might be time to rethink things.
Intimacy > Intensity
Intimacy is the secret sauce to a healthy relationship. Yes, the passion and fireworks are fun, but what Toni’s learned over time is that intimacy, being able to trust, be vulnerable, and connect deeply, is what truly sustains a relationship. Intensity, on the other hand, can often be a product of infatuation or even toxicity.
So, instead of getting hooked on that emotional rollercoaster, ask yourself: Are we friends first? Do I feel safe here? If the answer is yes, you’ve got the real deal.
